Work Together
I recently attended my mother-in-law's birthday party, which I was told ahead of time would include just a handful of family members. It was implied that it would be just us 'kids' — my partner and I, his brother and his wife, and his sister and her boyfriend. I was mentally prepared for this, but when I arrived I found that an additional 8–10 other people had happened to drop by.
One look at my partner was enough to communicate that I was feeling panicked. He led me into the kitchen to help out with preparing snacks while I got a grip on the new situation I was faced with. After a few minutes I was feeling somewhat better, and having something to keep me busy and someone to talk to while I adjusted to the unexpected number of guests had made all the difference in the world.
Know What to Expect
If you're getting together with your in-laws, try to get as many details ahead of time as possible. Knowing how much time you'll be spending with everyone, where you'll be and what you'll be doing will help avoid unwelcome surprises and keep you feeling as relaxed as possible.
Plan Ahead
Work together with your partner — after all, you two are a team. Setting some rules before you go to visit your partner's family can take some of the pressure off. It may ease your anxiety to agree that you'll only stay for a certain amount of time, or that he or she will stick close by you for all or part of the visit. Decide together on what you need to feel more comfortable, and make sure you get it.
Get the Right Help
You can't always do it all on your own. You may find that you need help from a doctor or psychiatrist to better deal with your social anxiety. This can mean medication, but doesn't have to. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the preferred long-term treatment for social anxiety, and can be highly effective in changing the thought patterns that make you feel judged and anxious.
Medication for social anxiety certainly exists, and includes anxiolytics such as clonazepam or other benzodiazepines for occasional use or sudden anxiety. Antidepressants are the first choice for long-term therapy and can be very effective, but can have a great many side effects.
At the end of the day all in-laws can be scary, but they don't have to be scary because of anxiety. By opening up about your anxiety, getting the help and support you need and making the right plans ahead of time, you can enjoy them as much as anyone can.
